Narcs Have Tremendous Disruptive Power

It only takes one or two narcissists to completely derail business operations.

What's interesting about this is they don't always have to be in positions of power.  Mainly, they just have to be untouchable.  

Short of threatening their peers with violence, these people will never be fired, and they'll never be removed from their positions.  They do just enough work to never warrant poor performance reviews, but also, not enough work to truly push the company forward.

Currently, there are two narcissists in my department that keep us in a stifling, choking holding pattern.  One is in a position of power, the other is an individual contributor.  The one in power is completely closed off to input and feedback, a cheapskate, and a fundamentally nasty person.  This narc alone keeps us from moving forward and being great, but this is to be expected.

What's interesting is the individual contributor narc; whose presence is so psychically disruptive, the department is frozen.  Even if you were to remove the narc in power, the I.C. narc would remain, and keep the department held hostage.

How does the I.C. narc do this?  She pretends she's unable to take on new assignments (preventing the equal distribution of work), she has no transferable skills or expertise and is not interested in learning any (prevents department from offering new resources to business partners), she is completely closed off to feedback and input (projects end up coming across as unfinished and unprofessional), she is usually in some sort of funk (affects the moods of those around her), and more than any of this- sees nothing wrong with what I've listed above.  The removal of this particular narc would propel our department forward by at least three years.

So why haven't they fired her yet?  They don't have any real reason to.  She "delivers" on the one project she has, and if this is all she's held to, what basis would they have?  The problem is, the work they can't give to her they give to myself and another peer.  I watch her seethe as assignments and accolades go to other people, but she absolutely refuses to accept those same assignments.  More than being unwilling to accept them, she is fundamentally incapable of delivering on the assignments. Upper management has given up and works around her 'inability.'

As a department, our credibility is shot.  We have a million conversations around why this is the case, but it really all traces back to two people- one in power who is unwilling to change, and one not in power who is unwilling to change.  This unwillingness to be better neutralizes the good work of others and grinds the department down to nubs.  As a whole we end up producing a mediocre product that other people can see and are hard pressed to take seriously.

Never underestimate the far-reaching effects a narcissist can have on any environment, but in particular, the business environment.  My greatest hope now is to find my way to a better company soon, or hope that a non-narc boss gets hired into upper management, and cleans house.

Success Story!

Last week, I did a video about how narcissists love to scare you.  Recently, a narc in my life made a valiant attempt to conjure up fear and uncertainty in my heart.  When their efforts didn't work, it appears they went back to the drawing board to regroup and re-present with more potent ammunition.

I was correct.  Yesterday, the narcissist contacted me with even more "concerns" about what "people" were saying about me behind my back.  When pressed for details, instead of backing down, this time they became irate and defensive.  Angry it seems, that I would have any say-so in what they were bringing to me.  Angry that I would ask questions about information concerning me.

Their tone quickly shifted from one of 'concern' to one of disdain.  Their messages became longer and longer and more incoherent.  Every issue they raised was met with a response.  I took the time to pick apart their diatribe and address every single issue one by one.  In all, there were about 12.  I wanted to talk through them.  I wanted to explore them.  They simply wanted to deliver the fear. When they realized they weren't getting anywhere, they ended the conversation.  I lost not one wink of sleep over it.

I came in this morning half expecting to be reprimanded by the leaders I was told were "talking about me behind my back."  I was pulled into a room, and instead of a reprimand, I was asked to help write the speaker notes for a presentation to over 300 leaders.  In addition, I was asked to help prep the presenter, also a senior leader.

I consider this a success story because in the past, the efforts on behalf of the narc would have severely derailed me, my thought processes, and subsequent actions.  I would have lost sleep over it.  I would have brooded and sulked and been upset.  Instead, I held my ground, listened out for anything that might be true, and when discovered no truth present, dismissed the accusations.  I chose to believe in myself and my work product for a change.  I chose to believe what is good about me for a change.

My encouragement to you is to always try and maintain your presence of mind with these people. Just because someone is sharing something "confidential" with you doesn't automatically make it true.  What's whispered in secret about you isn't necessarily true just because it was said in secret.  Lies and exaggerations can be shared in secret, also.  My wish for you is that you will develop such high discernment, you'll know when someone is bringing a genuine concern to you, and you'll also know when someone is intentionally trying to upset you with the purposes of throwing you off-course.