Predators Make Each Other Uneasy

On the YouTube channel, I did a video called 'Narcissists Hate Cats.'  I make this assertion because overall and in general, they do.  I have learned through viewer comments, however, that lots of narcissists own cats, a fact I simply find fascinating!

One viewer made a very interesting comment today, and it got me thinking.   He said:

                        "Cats have narc radar.  Cats are predators....complex."

Indeed it is!  What makes another predator uncomfortable in the wild?  Only another predator! Predators are not made uncomfortable by prey.

So if a cat finds something off-putting about a person, it probably means something.  This is why most narcissists hate them; they can sense that the cat knows what's up.  Game recognizes game, right?

Link to Narcissists Hate Cats 

A Note On Self-Validation

I'm very passionate about many topics, validation being one of them.  I am very passionate about this in particular, because so many narcissists have worked overtime to invalidate me, in ways great and small, over the course of my lifetime.

It took me a very long time to find and believe in my voice.  It took me a very long time to consider my thoughts and opinions as true.  Every time I thought I had it, I'd either invalidate myself, or be invalidated by someone else in my life.   

One very freeing thought helped me along considerably in the process, and it was this:  Just because they won't validate your truth, doesn't make it any less true.  

In the past, I've needed someone else to understand in order to make my feelings true.  I've needed other people to "see" how I could arrive to certain conclusions.  

Now, I validate my own feelings and opinions.  This is not to say I'm never "wrong" because I certainly have been and certainly will be again.  What I'm saying is, I no longer need someone to say "Oh I can see why you'd be upset" or "I would feel the same way" or "No, I think you're right about that."  I validate myself.  I feel how I feel, and now I have options regarding what to do with those feelings.  

In conversations, and especially conversations with narcissists, I used to find myself getting very upset because they simply would not acknowledge my point of view as having some validity, if any at all.  They would ask me a question, I'd give them an answer, then they'd spend 15 minutes explaining why my answer wasn't satisfactory.  Why it wasn't valid.  These types of interactions can take a serious toll on a person's sense of self.  

If what you think and feel isn't correct, what are you? Who are you?  If what you like or don't like isn't correct, what is?  Whose is?  What is your place in the world?  Do you have one?

You begin to lose touch with reality because you can no longer define it.  This is why validation is so important; it helps you clarify reality.  Self-validation will be the most important type, but it's also important to validate others when they're presenting feelings, which really can't be argued with. Validating another's feelings doesn't necessarily mean accepting their point of view.  It means acknowledging that they feel how they feel, and they have every right to those feelings. 

Quick Tips For Improving Self-Validation:

• Start thinking your own thoughts more.  Take a break from social media.  Abandon the memes.  Turn off the radio for a little while.  See what your mind does without interference.  See what it says.
• Accept all versions of your feelings.  Even the ones you don't like.  If you hate someone, admit it to yourself.  Say it without a 'because.'  Just say to yourself, "I hate him."  "I hate her."  Don't explain it away.  Just sit with it.  How do you feel after a few minutes without the explanation?     
• Stand firm in your decisions.  If you've made your mind up about something, stick with it as long as the consequences won't be severe.  If you must, answer any questions asked about your decision, but don't "explain it away."  If the decision turns out to be a mistake, validate that you made a mistake and ask yourself what went wrong, and what you could do differently next time.  

When Truth and Lies Go to War...

When truth and lies go to war, it becomes an endless argument.

Many of us will spend, and quite a few already have spent, years trying to reason with a Narcissist. You've wasted valuable time and more important, energy, trying to get the narcissist to engage in reality.

It is an unfortunate cycle that will never conclude because lies and truths are polar opposites.  As long as they're committed to the lie, you will never reach a resolution.  Narcissists are profoundly committed to the lie.

In reality, it doesn't take much to reason with normal, well-adjusted people.  Many of these people simply lack exposure to the issue at hand, but posses the ability to hear out another position and make an informed decision.

Narcissists have little interest in arriving at an informed decision.  Most narcissists' minds are already made up about many different things, some of which they've not experienced in their own lives yet. If the narcissist had a hashtag, it would be #NoNewInfo.

#NewInfo forces the narcissist to reconsider their current approach.  Because their mask relies so heavily on maintaining the status quo, they absolutely cannot allow the entry of it.  Additionally, new information forces their mind, something they have limited control over, to "wrestle."

Narcissists don't like to do a lot of mental overriding.  They have an established script that works well for them, and don't enjoy the possibility of having to actively filter truth out of that script.  This is the same reason they don't really like to read.

As you interact with narcissists, bear in mind their overall avoidance to truth.  Once your attempts at reasonable adult communication have failed, you can now begin to devote your energy elsewhere.  You will never get your point across.  You will never "win."  Winning for you is the acceptance of the reality of the situation (you're dealing with a narcissist), and the planning of your exit strategy.

Commentary: How To Retain Millennials In A World Full of Job-Hoppers (Article)

https://learning.linkedin.com/blog/engaging-your-workforce/how-to-retain-millennials-in-a-world-full-of-job-hoppers

Part of PTE's overall mission is to change the way the world works, literally and figuratively. Changing the way the world works means destroying old thought processes that keep employees and businesses alike in a constant cycle of churn.

One of the favorite topics of today's HR professional is that of the "millennial" and how to really "speak to" this generation.  I have multiple problems with this:

1. It treats millennials as if they were dropped off by an alien species; as if they're not human, and not easily understood.  They act as if millennials aren't THEIR children.
2. Isolating and treating millennials as a separate entity takes attention and analysis away from the other real problems businesses are facing, most usually related to narcissism in high places.  

Companies, in particular Narcissistic companies, will often do everything in their power to place blame elsewhere.  We have high turnover?  Blame those job-hopping millennials.  Can't keep millennials in the fold?  It's because they're entitled and lazy.  No one ever stops to consider that maybe, just maybe, millennials have figured out what proper treatment looks like. 

Maybe millennials watched their parents suffer through their careers, and vowed never to sacrifice their lives in that way.  Maybe millennials recognize that work doesn't have to be difficult; that there are more efficient ways of doing things, and why not do them that way?  Maybe millennials are the first generation to decide that their lives are worth more than 30 years to retirement.  

Perhaps the generations that have come before are resentful of this.  Because they lacked options in terms of resources, they HAD to do things the hard way.  The long way.  The "right" way.  Ironically, the previous generations laid the technological framework that is now making millennials' lives easier.  

In the article cited above, they state:  

“The number-one reason all professionals switch jobs is that they are seeking a position that offers better professional development. And that’s even truer for millennials, who are the group most concerned about career development.”

If companies really believe this to be true, they will have a revolving door for life.  Research has shown over and over again, that the #1 people leave jobs is due to poor management, or a poor relationship with their direct supervisor.  The same holds true for millennials.  

Yes, they want a job that has career potential.  They want to be able to look out into the future and see 'somewhere' to go.  But they also want to be treated with respect.  They want to be treated like people.  They are not lab rats to be studied, as if they're some new culture that has just been discovered in the Amazonian rain forest.  They are humans just like everyone else, who happened to find themselves in the midst of a technological era.  

Instead of "trying to figure them out," why not embrace them?  Teach them what you know and let them teach you as well.  It is easy to forget that these dreaded millennials will one day be in charge of the whole show.  How is your company preparing the world for that?