When
truth and lies go to war, it becomes an endless argument.
Many of us will spend, and quite a
few already have spent, years trying to reason with a Narcissist. You've wasted valuable time and more
important, energy, trying to get the narcissist to engage in reality.
It is an unfortunate cycle that
will never conclude because lies and truths are polar opposites. As long
as they're committed to the lie, you will never reach a resolution.
Narcissists are profoundly committed to the lie.
In reality, it doesn't take much to
reason with normal, well-adjusted people. Many of these people simply
lack exposure to the issue at hand, but posses the ability to hear out another
position and make an informed decision.
Narcissists have little interest in
arriving at an informed decision. Most narcissists' minds are already
made up about many different things, some of which they've not experienced in
their own lives yet. If the narcissist had a hashtag, it would be #NoNewInfo.
#NewInfo forces the narcissist to
reconsider their current approach. Because their mask relies so heavily
on maintaining the status quo, they absolutely cannot allow the entry of it.
Additionally, new information forces their mind, something they have
limited control over, to "wrestle."
Narcissists don't like to do a lot
of mental overriding. They have an established script that works well for
them, and don't enjoy the possibility of having to actively filter truth out of
that script. This is the same reason they don't really like to read.
As you interact with narcissists,
bear in mind their overall avoidance to truth. Once your attempts at
reasonable adult communication have failed, you can now begin to devote your
energy elsewhere. You will never get your point across. You will
never "win." Winning for you is the acceptance of the reality
of the situation (you're dealing with a narcissist), and the planning of your
exit strategy.
Thanks for this article. It helped explain something about a speech pattern I've developed over the last few years. It was recently pointed out to me that when I speak I often interject statements such as, "Do you understand what I'm saying", Does this make sense to you", "Do you follow me", etc. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I now know that as a result of having to explain, justify, clarify, reiterate, and prove everything I sa, the way I converse with almost everyone has changed dramatically. I'm certain that most people aren't as obtuse as my conversational style would lead someone to believe.
ReplyDeleteI said all that to say this: For anyone who doesn't think this type of abuse, over the long term, doesn't effect every aspect of someone's life they are profoundly mistaken. I'm so grateful to have learned what's been wrong and my plan to leave is in action is in motion while I still have a little bit of soul left.
Thankd so much for your videos, now this blog, and your willingness to pass on this lifesaving information. You've greatly improved the quality of my life.
(I also now understand why this guy will not read anything. Especially directions. His aversion is almost pathological. It also explains while the handle on the grill was installed upside down.)
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ReplyDeleteP2E, your commentary is so right on. Walking away & going No Contact is winning! It is completely exhausting wresting with an evil idiot (as you say, perfect description:)). They love the fight..it is narc supply for them. I have just learned no amount of money is worth the battle with an evil idiot!
ReplyDeleteI just listened to the video about the vacuum. I have had my daughters boyfriend take my tools and tell me all I had to do is ask for them. My daughter has stolen many things for him . Most things couldn't be proven. But you know. Some of the inexpensive idoms found I get told that it was only this or only that. As if it is okif she takes something that is inexpensive. Doesn't matter what it is. I told her it I don't care if it is a gold necklace or 2 cents. It is my 2 cents. Her mother always backs her and blows me off. And I become the bad guy because I don't want my stuff stolen from me!
ReplyDeleteI’ve listened to many of the videos here and for me it was a double edged sword. I finally realized what it was that I was dealing with. I learned that there really is no way to fix this disorder and also there was no healthy way to deal with it . Despite the feelings that I had for her I decided to leave .
ReplyDelete