Narcissists Use People As Battery Packs

A characteristic behavior of Narcissists is to make use of the people around them in various ways, often referred to as 'narcissistic supply.'

In an intimate relationship, this often means that the non-narcissistic partner is holding up the narcissist while he or she achieves their goals.  This support often comes in the form of:

• Being a listening ear 
• Cooking meals and providing food
• Cleaning and laundry
• Paying some or all of the bills 
• Sex
• Taking care of the kids
• Tending to adult affairs (signing or renewing important documents, maintaining life insurance, handling car accident claims, scheduling doctor's appointments, etc.)

Some of you just read this list and thought, well what's wrong with that?  That's what people do for each other who love each other.  To that I would say you're absolutely correct!

Here's the narcissism piece:  A narcissist will expect you to do all of these things for them with absolutely no plans of reciprocation.  In other words:

• Being a listening ear- for me.  Your problems aren't anywhere near as important as mine.  Were you saying something just now? 
• Cooking meals and providing food- Because the daily task of finding food is just too much for me, even though I seemed to be able to do it just fine before we met.  
• Cleaning and laundry- Again, these daily tasks are just too much for someone as important as me.  Thank God I have you to do all of these things.  
• Paying some or all of the bills-  My money is just that; my money.  I'll contribute some, but can we use most of your money to accomplish these goals?
• Sex-  Why would you even dream of denying me sex?  This is what makes our relationship great!  What do you mean you're tired?
• Taking care of the kids-  Look, I don't have time for that.  Plus, you're better at it.  
• Tending to adult affairs (signing or renewing important documents, maintaining life insurance, handling car accident claims, scheduling doctor's appointments, etc.)- You're better at this, too.  Why don't you just handle it all huh?  And allow me to benefit?  Doesn't that bring you joy?

Being in a relationship with an adult narcissist will look and feel like being in a relationship with a teenager or large small child.  Children cannot do the majority of the things listed above, and should not be expected to.  You can teach a child how to cook and clean, and even the fundamentals of home finance, but it is not their responsibility.  Adult narcissists fail to realize that these things are their responsibility.

And if they do realize it, they have low to no desire to act on them.  After all, they've got you as their support system.  Their backbone.  Their battery pack.  You keep them going.

This is not to be confused with the person who may have quit their job to pursue a dream, and their spouse or partner backs them 100%.  This person has intentions of reciprocation someday, and has also demonstrated healthy reciprocation in the past.  These are people who have decided to work together towards a common goal, and one person's load will temporarily be heavier.  A narcissist has no intentions on ever receiving their share of the weight.  

If you are currently someone's battery pack and are tired of it, it's time to slowly start redistributing the load.  Be prepared, for your narcissist will react very poorly to this.  They don't like to work hard. They really don't care for responsibility.  They don't enjoy making their minds think.  When you start forcing them to behave as adults, they will respond in kind by behaving like toddlers.  As you watch the tantrum play out, ask yourself why this type of treatment and relational dynamic is okay with you.  

Refuse to allow yourself to be another's battery pack.  Force reciprocation, even when it feels uncomfortable.  Begin to allow yourself to be okay with receiving.  Practice it.  Over time, you will develop a strong aversion to imbalanced relationship, a distaste I hope stays with you throughout life.